Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
