dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
