Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
