I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
