I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
