Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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