so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
