she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize