"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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