How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
