Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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