Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize