She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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