Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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