I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
