well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize