he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
