Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
