You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
