if you like me you must not know who I am
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
