The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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