you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I still have a little drunk in my system
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
