Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
