3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
In America we eat man semen.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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