No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
