I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
