I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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