I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
