sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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