I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
