Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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