This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
