Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
