I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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