I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize