I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize