My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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