I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He passed out mid-signature
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it's like heaven, but drunker
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
