I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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