you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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