I CAN MOONWALK!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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