If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
