Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
