Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
