is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
