if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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