Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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