Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
