dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
