My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize