@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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