Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
