i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
