"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
