i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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