if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
