I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Lo siento on account of my penis...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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