Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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