you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
