just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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