11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize