"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
