Plan B is the new Plan A
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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