I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
