i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
