P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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